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More sex. There will be less fighting. Was the pandemic really good for relationships? | US News – News

FExperts in the early days of the pandemic is expected Covid-19’s stress will cause havoc in romantic relationships (and in some cases) They were right). However, a recent study suggests that most people were unpredictable. For many hard-working couples, the pandemic may have actually improved the relationship.

according to National opinion poll A whopping 70% of romantically devoted American adults, released in February by Monmouth University, are “very happy” with their relationship. This figure shows an increase of more than 11 points over the previous installation of a survey conducted by the university over more than 6 years.

“We often take an ironic view of relationships, which leads us to look for potential problems and consider them vulnerable,” said a romantic partnership that oversees the annual Monmouth poll. Says Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a psychologist at.

“The fact is,” Lewandowski continues. “Relationships are our rock and provide the foundation for strength, stability, and ultimately resilience, especially when life is overwhelmed.”

In other words, life is so easy that couples will not be together (and happy) in the long run. They survive and prosper as their relationship makes them stronger as a unit. In times of protracted difficulties, the pillars of support are less likely to be taken for granted than they might be in the normal turmoil of modern life.

However, the increase in intimacy does not occur automatically, whether pandemic or not. Due to certain conditions, some relationships are more likely to last than others. It turns out that the dangers and circumstances of the pandemic may have created an ideal lab environment for some of these conditions to bloom. The question is whether they can survive the transition to the post-pandemic world and how they will survive.

Show me the work

According to Julia Zopporat, a PhD candidate in Experimental Applied Psychology who studies romantic relationships, a key element of a resilient partnership is Perceived partner responsiveness: “[When people] I feel their partners care for and listen to them. “

Illustration: Sonny Ross / Guardian

Zoppolat acknowledges that the importance of partner attention may seem “very basic”, but the impact on relationship satisfaction is strong. “I’ve seen many times that this can make a difference,” she says.

From West New York, New Jersey, 25-year-old Daniel Roque Coplin learned first-hand the importance of what he calls “intentionality.” At the beginning of last year’s blockade, Roque-Coplin and his girlfriend, who had been together for about a year, were quarantined together. But within a few months, the girlfriend’s decision to visit her family led to another quarantine, launching a pair for long-distance relationships. Roque-Coplin says, surprisingly, the hard work to stay connected has made the two closer together.

“When you live together, you really don’t have the option of spending time together, and of course you’re wondering,’Do my partners really like me or do they have to be here?’” “Roque-Coplin says. “It’s a hassle to show that you care about FaceTime, but over time I realized that it was really fun to talk to each other.”

27-year-old Latifah Liverpool, who lives in Trinidad, made a similar discovery to her 7-year-old boyfriend, although the situation is significantly different.

Illustration: Sonny Ross / Guardian

She said the pre-pandemic relationship revolved around activities such as going out, parties and travel. After a long blockade, the pair slowed down and came to know each other in new ways. The unexpected breakthrough came from watching each other’s favorite TV shows.

“We really started to understand each other better,” says Liverpool.She quotes the animated series Boruto – a spin-off of her partner’s childhood favorite Naruto – – As a game changer.

“When he explained the inside story of the show to me, I learned more about his childhood and how his interests developed,” says Liverpool, who was previously indifferent to anime. “There is a higher level of intimacy in it than outside activities.”

Born in Sauk Rapids, Minnesota, 45-year-old Glen Irvin Flores has found a new way to show his wife taking care of them on their daily walks. According to him, physical activity has made it easier for both partners to be open to difficult problems.

Illustration of a couple going for a walk
Illustration: Sonny Ross / Guardian

“I’m recovering from alcoholism. I was able to talk and heal the old emotional wounds of my marriage just by listening to each other over time,” says Flores. “Before that we were talking about getting married counseling, but now we’ve noticed on a walk that we’ve done our version of counseling.”

Gift of time

Despite the many stressors that the pandemic has brought, blockades and social distances have provided relief from the busy pace of everyday life. Suddenly, people were able to spend quality time with their partners more than before. This probably contributed to the increased intimacy of relationships.

“The quality time to connect reminds us why you’re in a relationship in the first place and this is the person of your choice,” says Chicago-based couple therapist Shemiaderick. .. “If you don’t prioritize spending that time together, it’s easy to lose that connection.”

For Southern California-based Paty Portilla at the age of 44, it “sits around a table, shares meals, and speaks without distraction” with her wife and (usually) busy teenage daughter. It meant spending a lot of time on it.

Illustration of hands eating together
Illustration: Sonny Ross / Guardian

The ritual not only brought the trio closer, but also created a new intimacy among the spouses. “For the first time, we shared the same experience with her,” says Portilla. “Seeing how much my wife cares about her daughter has created a close bond between us as a couple.”

Rachel Dillin, 43, from Stillwater, Oklahoma, said she didn’t know what to expect when her husband first stopped at the kitchen table to work from home in March 2020. It was. Children’s activities. “We had better rest, so instead of scrambling, we were able to connect deeply every day and plan occasional elaborate date nights,” says Dillin.

One afternoon, when they regained their composure at work, Dyrin and her husband “slipped quietly into the bedroom for personal adult time,” she recalls. One sexy afternoon turned into two, and the couple made a standing promise before they knew it.

Illustration: Sonny Ross / Guardian

“To be honest, it was great,” says Dillin.

Faced with a return to “normal”

Now that the country has reopened, couples are facing new challenges. How to maintain their good feelings without the unique constraints that allowed them to prosper in the first place.

According to Derrick, rituals like Dillin’s standing sex date help keep the flames on. However, some flexibility may be required to fit them into the post-blockage schedule. “The time we find together can look and feel different from day to day, but the important thing is to grow the relationship head-on,” she says.

For Flores and his wife, that meant committing to their daily walks and conversations. Meanwhile, Portilla reports that with her daughter graduating from college, she and her wife are finding new ways to build intimacy established over the last 16 months.

As for Roque-Coplin and his girlfriend, the pandemic wasn’t as much a one-off promotion as an intensive rehearsal for a real-life stressor. They plan to move together soon and are thinking in the long run.

“This year was a tough year, but it was a really great test run for our lives going forward,” he says.

More sex. There will be less fighting. Was the pandemic really good for relationships? | US News

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