Saying no could be arduous for some folks. You don’t need to harm anybody’s emotions and also you don’t need to seem because the dangerous man. However, you understand that you should utter that two letter phrase. It is a troublesome position to be in when you should say no.
Telling an individual no with out hurting them is feasible. Occasionally, you will not be ready to keep away from the fallout, however usually, if you’re coping with an inexpensive particular person, you’ll be able to inform them no with none emotional injury. Please maintain studying to discover out recommendations from therapists on telling somebody no with out hurting their emotions.
Put Your Health First
The very first thing you want to do is understand that typically you should inform folks no to your personal well being. You can’t be a “yes” particular person on a regular basis – being this fashion could be emotionally exhausting. You may want to please people but it’s just not logical to think you can please everyone.
Some people say yes because they feel guilty when they tell a person no. As psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., says, “…guilt is an emotion reserved for when you do something wrong.”
There is nothing improper with telling an individual no. It will assist for those who let go of any responsible emotions or any worry of disappointment. Put your self first or else it’s possible you’ll find yourself wired since you are doing belongings you actually don’t need to do.
Telling folks no or disagreeing with them typically is important to your psychological well being. Being a sure particular person can:
- Lower your worth in different’s eyes in addition to your individual
- Cause you to miss out on issues meant for you
- Make you appear disingenuous.
- Inevitably expertise burnout
- Have issues with interpersonal relationships
- Lead to poor determination making
These are just a few penalties of being a sure particular person. Dr. Sheri Jacobson, Ph.D., a retired psychologist, means that the lack to inform folks no stems from childhood problems, so it’s possible you’ll want to search remedy for this. Whatever the reason being, it’s crucial that you simply be taught to inform folks no typically so as to maintain your sanity and obtain your highest potential. Once you’ve gotten gotten previous the responsible emotions for telling folks no, you will get to the not hurting their emotions half.
How to Say No Without Hurting People’s Feelings
One of the largest causes that folks’s emotions get harm is due to miscommunication. The phrase no could be so last that an individual appears like they don’t have an opportunity to negate it. Most folks don’t anticipate an answer to be no, so once you do say it, their expectations are shattered.
Your no may very well be innocent. You might have a very good motive for saying no. However, feelings are impulsive, usually displaying up on the drop of a dime earlier than clarification can happen.
That is the largest motive that folks’s emotions get harm once you inform them no. It can also be the truth that they’ve already satisfied themselves that you simply’ll say sure.
Neither of those causes have something to do with you, what you stated, or what you probably did. However, as a rule of society, you must nonetheless strive to soften your no. After all, you don’t need to go round hurting folks’s emotions on a regular basis. Here are six methods to soften the blow.
1. Give them the explanation for the no.
In many circumstances, telling the particular person the explanation to your refusal can save lots of harm emotions. Misunderstandings occur so usually and typically you will not be conscious of them. Explaining your self prevents these misunderstandings from occurring.
Of course, in case your motive is one thing unfavourable, reminiscent of you don’t just like the particular person, then don’t say that outright! That goes to do greater than trigger harm emotions. It will trigger battle.
Take the second as a chance to work out the unfavourable emotions in direction of that particular person. You could also be stunned on the consequence.
2. Be sort once you inform them no.
Your tone of voice and physique language may give off sure undertones once you speak. You may be saying no, however your physique could also be indicating a extra sinister answer (within the eyes of the particular person you might be speaking to). In truth, you will not be conscious that you’re giving off vibes together with your physique language.
Dr. David Matsumoto, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at San Francisco State University and an professional within the subject of facial expressions and feelings. He says that when individuals are making an attempt to conceal their feelings, they usually give off microexpressions. These are unconscious, full-faced expressions that indicate how a person feels. Dr. Matsumoto says that other people might not register the entire facial expression because it happens so quickly, but they are aware that something about the person changed.
You can’t control micro expressions and in many cases, your body language happens instantly before you even get to think about it. However, what you can control is your kindness. Giving a kind response could cancel out these micro body movements that you aren’t aware of.
Use an easy, pleasant tone. Smile and look the person in the eye. Even though you’re telling them no, try to give an overall positive response. Kindness can go a long way when you’re trying to spare a person’s feelings while telling them no.
3. Suggest an alternative.
Instead of a hard no, try thinking of an alternative. Perhaps you could rearrange your schedule if it’s an activity, outing, or something that requires time. If you can’t rearrange your schedule, you could suggest a different time. If it’s something more of an inquiry, perhaps you could word the no differently, so it doesn’t sound so harsh.
Sometimes, thinking of an alternative to no can keep everyone happy. You don’t have to necessarily say yes, but you can pad the no, so it doesn’t land so hard. People want reinforcement that you still like them, aren’t mad with them, or don’t think they are a problem.
4. Do the good-bad-good scenario.
You could try sandwiching the no between two good statements so it doesn’t seem so cut and dry. For example, if someone asks you to go to lunch at X Cafe with them, you could say something like, “I wouldn’t mind having lunch with you. However, I can’t do it today because I’m busy, but maybe another time because X Cafe has great salads.”
The good-bad-good scenario incorporates the first two suggestions above. It combines them all to allow you to say no while keeping the other person’s feelings intact.
There are psychologists who suggest that the good-bad-good scenario doesn’t make the blow easier. However, this opinion applies to sandwiching negative feedback between compliments. That’s not what you’re doing here. You’re simply sandwiching your no between two points that are more positive.
5. Don’t make up a lie.
It can be tempting to make up a lie about why you’re saying no, but this will only blow up in your face. First off, unless you are a frequent liar, it’s hard to come up with a good lie on the spot. Plus, it’s usually pretty obvious when someone is lying to get out of something. The person you’re lying to will pick up on it fast.
This means that the person who you have just said no to will no longer trust you. You’ve lied to them and you hurt their feelings. It’s hard to come back from that.
No matter how hard it is, be honest. Tell the person no and tell them why. You don’t have to be mean about it. Just follow the first three suggestions and you’ll be fine.
6. Stop thinking that no equals hurt feelings.
There is a strong possibility that you aren’t hurting people’s feelings. You may only think you’re hurting people’s feelings. Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., suggests that it’s a person’s own thoughts that lead to harm emotions, not the motion that occurred or what was stated to them.
This is comparable to what was talked about earlier – that you could be not imply any hurt by saying no however the particular person’s feelings make them really feel such as you meant hurt.
To take this a bit additional, the particular person’s emotions will not be harm in any respect. Instead, it’s your emotions in regards to the state of affairs that makes you assume their emotions are harm. Please cease and assume for a second earlier than you assume their emotions was harm.
Final Thoughts on Saying No Without Hurting Someone’s Feelings
It can appear a little bit unfair that you simply have to be accountable for different folks’s emotions whereas placing your self first. Especially once you actually don’t imply any hurt. It is already arduous sufficient to inform them no within the first place.
The excellent news is that it isn’t arduous to be thoughtful of different folks’s emotions once you inform them no. The six suggestions given above, together with the recommendation from counselors will make it a bit of cake. Put the following tips into apply and shortly you may be an professional at saving folks’s emotions whereas saying no.